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A Rare Treat – Reader Mail (Profanity Warning)

By docarzt,

  Filed under: Lost News
  Comments: 60

Oh, the joys of running a LOST site.  You all may remember a darling commentator named… Fart Monster?  You can probably see where this is going.  Fart Monster was what we call a … Troll.  Fart Monster was banned for aggressive spoiling in the comments, and general douchey-ness.  Well, after numerous weeks I’ve received this darling email.  He claims to be Fart Monster’s friend, caught in the cross-fire – but his temperament reminds me of a certain troll.  Amusing after note:  this person’s comment/theory was never actually deleted.  It’s on this http://www.docarzt.com/lost/lost-news/alternate-or-parallel-i-say-alternate/ post.  That’s right, his entire rant is without merit.  Learn. To. Use. Google. (Needless to say, in some respects I most definitely will NOT miss the LOST fandom.)

My name is Josh, my user name was ‘Smoke Monster’. I apparently have been unethically deleted from this site without warrant. This is unbelievable. Early on in the season I came up with a great theory of what I thought would happen as this show ends. The funny thing is, my theory is essentially coming true, way before any potential spoilers for the fifth or sixth episode were even being whispered. It took me a long and hard time to figure out what to write down and what order it should take, and I took that time to (a) figure out what was happening on Lost, and (b) share my ideas with this site because I respected it…oh, and (c) so I could have that theory written down on the blog so I could revisit it later when the show was coming to an end to compare and contrast.

That respect has been extinguished. Now I understand why you banned ‘Fart Monster’, who was my friend but was a blatant asshole to everyone on the site. I told him to desist in his spoilers and dick comments but he didn’t, and I had no control over that. But to punish me for his intransigence is unconscionable, especially because I spent so much quality mental time on formulating that theory. It was initially dismissed by the bloggers, so I wanted to repost it in order to show them that they did not think intellectually ahead when trying to figure things out. But obviously now I can’t, and obviously not thinking ahead is a systemic problem on this site.

I am a very peaceful person, and never usually resort to this kind of language, but you know what, you guys are fucking retarded assholes, a complete joke to anyone that has ever watched Lost and actually tried to figure it out.

Just because I used the same IP address as ‘Fart Monster’ sometimes (even though when I wrote my actual theory I used my IP address) does not give you the right to delete my content. You ignorant fucks have ruined this for me. I was trying to remember everything I wrote but obviously now that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So here it is: My theory was written under ‘Smoke Monster’ I believe between the first 4 episodes or so, I don’t remember. If you still have it, email it to me so I can still salvage what I worked so hard to share with you ignorant fucks instead of keeping it private. If my deletion is any indication, however, that vital information is probably deleted. But let’s hope not.

If it’s there, let’s then hope you give me the respect a human being deserves and send that vital information to me. I had until this point always had respect for this site. But, as far as I can gather, you no longer deserve any.

If it’s not there, then straight up fuck you. You oversensitive ignorant fucking idiots, I’m glad Lost is coming to an end for the sole fact that I never have to hear of this site again. You people just fucked up your karma.

My theory went something like this: The nuclear bomb set the flash sideways into existence; the island underwater foreshadowed the actual ending; in the flash sideways, Desmond attempts to help everyone find their “constant” from the island in order to link the 2 timelines; Jack becomes the new Jacob on the island and opposes Smoke Monster Locke, while in the flash sideways Jack eventually heals Locke from his spinal injuries in a “miracle” (Jack and Locke roles reversed from beginning to end; Jack becomes another smoke monster and Jack and Locke have an epic fight, destroying the island while Desmond turns the wheel a final time to sink the island and merge the 2 timelines, allowing everyone in the flash sideways to remember everything from the island timeline. Jack and Locke go down with the island, while Desmond’s consciousness simply flashes back to the flash sideways, with full memory intact.

It was something like that, based on nothing but deductive logic. So please send that to me if you have it. If you do not, then go fuck yourselfs. You douchebags are gonna be lost after this show ends, having to go back to your normal lives trying to grasp the basic concepts of how life actually works without becoming ignorantly confused.

I thought I could trust you people, this was the first blog I ever tried. I’m never going to engage with sites like this again unless I know they’re not mentally retarded. Next time you lose something important in life, know its payment of karmic debt you now owe to me for deleting what I worked so hard on in order to post.

Whoever or whomever made that conscious decision to delete my posts, you will learn your lessons eventually. But until then, go fuck yourselfs you piece of shit fucking losers. You all think you’re the shit, but you’re not, you’re nothing but lonely people, and after this show is done, your delusion will end and you will again realize how alone you really are, because your arrogance is disproportional to your intellect. Grow the fuck up, and send me back my fucking theory.

From TVFrenzy:

  • Funback Joe

    What a douche. Sorry you have to put up with such shenanigans, Doc.

  • seenitlovedit

    That was lovely. I especially like the end when he tells us how we will have trouble dealing with real life because we are so addicted to a television show, and then follows that with the statement of how karma was gonna get the website folks for destroying such a life changing creation, i.e. his post.
    I would just like to say that it takes all kinds to make this world special, and he makes it special.
    On a personal note: The mass suicide that was planned after the finale of LOST is now canceled due to the enlightening words from “Smoke Monster”. Thank you because I didn’t really want to die.

    • AstroJones

      Lol. Well said!

  • Jackisjack

    WOW, Thats just really really funny. It’s like a delinquent “Oliver Twist”.

    “Please sir can I have some more…..you f***ing a**hole pieces of s***”!

    That was good I needed that.

  • The most pathetic part is where he expects anyone to believe he isn’t fart monster. Classic.

    • Beena

      Especially with the same IP address!

      But I disagree with you about one thing: the most pathetic part, is that he thinks he deserves some respect when he clearly doesn’t have any for anybody else. And that mouth on him…(groan) needs some serious disinfectant!

    • MIB Pants

      His theory is vitally important information……to whom? He speaks as if if Fart Monster is being held captive and will be executed if he can’t prove that he had this theory here.

    • Adam

      If it is his “friend” being the a**hole, then why is he being such a freaking a**hole. That’s not a good way to get back in someone’s good graces and make someone believe its a different person. haha

  • Matthew Perry

    Props though, he had a pretty fucking good theory there. It’s 100% so far.

    • naultz

      Which makes me think he Got it from a spoiler sight. it’s almost too good

      • thorne47

        Really though? Did you read the whole thing? He hit some good points, but it wasn’t anything people hadn’t said before. Most of the theory is waaaay out there…smoke monster vs fire monster?

  • clawgrabber

    Yeah great job with the theory, guy. you figured out what every other smart viewer was thinking.

  • dd

    Fart Monster is a pretty funny name. But, yeah, what clawgrabber said.

  • dudeski

    ~SERIOUS BUSINESS~

  • SPF22

    Reading this type of generalized hate email towards moderators without even looking to see if the post was actually deleted makes me want to reach through the interwebs and slap the shit out of the stupid asshole. Anonymity on the web is not always a good thing.

    – Han Solo

  • Eric

    The best part is that he’s overwhelmingly berating you for being a Lost nerd while he’s asking for a theory that he wrote…about Lost.

    Yep.

  • HolyGoldHole

    @Eric – You just made me hurt with laughter my friend. I couldn’t have put it better myself. Is this guy (fart/smoke monster) for real or what?

    I’m loving the ride… even my least fave eps are still episodes I enjoy. Who gives a monkeys who has figured what out first anyway. If this guy was physically standing beside and he started blowing his LOST theory in my face I would chuck him down my lavatory. He would then become “S**t Monster)

    • Beena

      S**T Monster! BaHaHaHaHaHa! I love it!!!!

  • Ed-Mars

    Wow! I believe we have found the Arch Duke of Douchington here…

  • cjones416

    whats even cooler is that we got the (profanity warning) but no …”possibly spoiler” warning. sweet. so if this dude IS spoiling it for everyone for real with some sort of prior knowledge of whats happening. then i suppose we got spoiled for reading this article… thanks for the warning.

    • Jalocke

      I hope CJones is an abbreviation for your name, because then you could use the awesome nickname of Cajones.

    • smokemonster86

      I guess it’s not a spoiler warning because it’s just a theory. Still, I’d like to hope this that explanation is not the simple truth about the end. And yes, you could say that it would be easy to come to these conclusions based on what we’ve seen, so…whew…should be nothing to worry about.

  • Juliet’s Perfect Cleavage

    Wow, what a complete and utter idiot that guy was. And the hilarious part is that he’s claiming to have come up with some brilliant theory… but what he describes is pretty much the same scenario EVERY fan had figured out at the start of this season. There was nothing original to what he wrote. What a moron.

  • Andrew G.

    Doc, I’m a great fan of yours, and of this site, and I visit several times per day to see if there’s anything new posted. But I have to be honest here–by printing his letter as you did, I think you’ve stooped to his level. He’s a troll. Trolls seek attention. Hence, he seeks attention. And you gave it to him. He was feeling impotent and frustrated at his inability to be heard–and now you’ve let him do so. I understand that you wanted to make him look like an idiot in front of everyone, and you’ve definitely done that–his letter makes him look like a complete and utter ass-hat. However, with all due respect, I would have expected you to be better than that. It’s bad enough that we have dd and other trolls spending half their lives trying to make fishbiscuit look bad. Now you’re posting letters from trolls, for the sole purpose of publicly humiliating them and letting others take potshots at them? Yike.

    • s.w.a.c.

      It’s true, he did get his theory reposted in the end. Like they say, it’s the squeaky frozen donkey wheel that gets the grease.

      • Lorna Dune

        Yep. It would have a better tactic for Doc to have ignored the letter entirely, deleting it from his IN box and never acknowledging it. Then Doc would have won the fight. Instead, he posted it here and mocked the guy, enabling the troll to win on two counts:

        1) His letter was posted.
        2) He got Doc to act like him.

        It’s unfortunate that Doc didn’t take the high road and stick to his guns of removing the troll from the community.

        • They’reNotDead

          @Lorna Dune
          I respectfully disagree on two counts:

          1) There is nothing to win, this is a blog not some epic battle. Doc did not post this to win a fight. It was posted because some might find it amusing. (As I did.)

          2) Doc is not acting like him. He’s not cursing and lashing out at an entire community without thought or provocation.

          If you didn’t like the nature of the post that’s fine. But I don’t believe Doc has lost “High-ground” because of it. Mostly because this is the internet and there is no high-ground.

    • Eh, what can I say. I had a bad day. This is as close to a drawing and quartering as I could get.

      • AstroJones

        hey, sometimes you should walk away from a fight, and other times you should kick the douche in the balls. Good choice here.

      • Beena

        This is your blog/site. I say you should be able to proverbially tar and feather the guy, particularly since he so richly seemed to deserve it. And I don’t think it means you sank to his level at all.

        By the way, on a much more positive note, I will always be grateful to you for having this wonderful LOST site that I’ve always enjoyed. Thank you for that!

  • Handsome Smitty

    I posited the part about turning the wheel to make the bomb work long ago. It’s just a matter of who (I suspect Ben since his redemption, but now that seems to be not real, either.

    If the scenario happens, I hope it’s logical. Just turning the wheel is not enough. It would seem there has to be an explanation of some sort (expository or not) ho ’07 continuted before Sideways(c) was created in ’77.

    You run a site, you have to put up with all kinds of shit. Like owning any business.

    I am disappointed you won’t miss us…sigh….

    • Oh I will miss 99.9% of you. The Fart Monsters of the world can get stuffed. 😉

  • imfromthefuture

    Smitty.. nobody is gonna miss you

    • Ugly Smitty

      I will! I’ll miss a lot of the personalities that made this site a vital part of the Lost experience.

  • drfitz44

    I am very proud to be a ‘fucking retarded asshole’ as he says I am…And to be on a site like this with all these other assholes, cause they rock! 🙂

  • ErasedSlate

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

  • Gloaming

    Very childish. It sounds like the joy of LOST has come to and end for him. An angry child that doesn’t get to play with the other kids.

    From what i’ve read it seems that he’s heavily emotionally invested in this LOST thing.
    I think he sums it up best what he’s going through.

    “…. are gonna be lost after this show ends, having to go back to your normal lives trying to grasp the basic concepts of how life actually works without becoming ignorantly confused.”

    Excellent self-reflection.

  • People who resort to profanity to make their point are classless.
    He words give the term trailer trash new meaning.
    It’s only a TV show, just enjoy it. It’s called entertainment.

    • Michael

      “he words give the term trailer trash new meaning”

      lol

  • BasiaK

    I’ve read many different sites and enjoyed reading most of what I’ve found, if only because it’s a pleasure to read what is in essence the whirring inside of others’ brains. Like being privy to the workings of Big Ben. And, as with Fart/Smoke Monster, sometimes what ya see is like sausage, you really, really didn’t want privy to what’s inside. Better than sad people go on line to spew, the alternative is probably going postal at work. And the best part is, we don’t have to read anything we don’t want to, as opposed to the nut jobs dropping in at your local bar with an Uzzi because they need the attention that badly.

    Anyway, I’m sorry the show has to end, but all good things do end. I’m sorry this site has to end, but DocArtz, like all of us, needs to move on too. It will be fun to see where some of the cast members show up in the future. Like the trolls, they will find new homes.

    Doc, it’s been a pleasure. I’ll be wet-eyed from joy and sorrow Sunday night. Not sure how long you will keep this site up, I’ll check in after the finale but, I would assume I, like many others, will spend our summer out doors and live a life away from the tube – until there is a show that can catch us like LOST has. I can’t imagine what show that could be; V ain’t quite up there…well, the next season of “Dexter” comes on on DVD soon…

    Good bye Doc. Good bye trolls. Good by LOST.

    Thanks,

    Basia

  • Well. That is messed up.

  • Michael

    I think he’s got a point and most of you are dicks to be fair, especially the doc. The site doesn’t even get updated very often and you miss loads of lost related news/media – you’re really slacking man.

    I’m going to miss a million things about lost, but this site isn’t one of them.

    • Nikki’s Perfect Curves

      Troll.

    • theyneedyou

      Yeah, he really does have a point. This site is so half assed its ridiculous. There are hardly any updates about any LOST news (spoilers or non spoilers) and compared to darkufo this site is just a big fat joke. Kind of like Jon Lachonis.

      • docarzt

        Oh Patrick, why not be a man and flame me with your real name? Don’t feel like you need to create an alternate identity to take on little old me. Coward.

    • docarzt

      Sorry Michael, next time I start a fan site I’ll be sure to consider your inflated sense of entitlement.

      • Michael

        Surely the ‘enflated sense of entitlement’ you refer to reflects lost fandom in general, especially on this board? This site’s content has been lazy and unfunny, the main contributors have either become bitter and banal – a la Fishbiscuit. Or have been re-spouting the same thoughtless garbage in order to sell their books/promote their own blogs.

        I’m just expressing my opinion – I said ‘most of you are dicks’ , not all of you.

        • docarzt

          Y’know, what I meant was your expectation that it be done your way. I’ve never been about claiming imminent domain to the LOST news eco-sphere. This has been a mellow season for the site, but at our best I like to think the site is most enjoyable and accomplished when we are rendering well thought out opinions. Anyone could copy and paste the latest headlines. For people who have that voracious appetite and want to have all of their news in one place… I suggest Google news.

          It’s funny though, like the cynics who have supposedly ‘given up’ on LOST, you continue to be here. Why not just not come around? Why the need to lash out at people that still enjoy the conversation that takes place here? I’d say it is pretty obvious who the ‘dick’ is. It’s the guy who is only hanging around to cut people down. Hurry along now…

    • Beena

      Why exactly are you even here at this site now since that’s how you feel? Please leave. It’s not like us “dicks” are going to miss you at all, either.

  • MrsCluck

    Sounds like someone needs to have their head smacked against a wall and have their well broken. Appropriate screen name given their rage.
    Doc, yours is one of the best Lost sites. Sorry for the bad apples.

  • bakunin

    “Whoever or whomever” — cuhlassic.

  • John Burger

    Thats the worst , most childish, little kiddie, theory ever.

    The sideways is a future event. It was not caused by the bomb. The bomb prevented and contained what was suppose to happen. It worked. The ruse here is actually a common time travel trick—the event we are seeing has not been caused yet.

    Like this guy, I have been saying this from the start. What we are seeing is the success of Lockes plan to destroy the Island. Its basically a flashfoward–nothing is occurring along side. It is not parallel–it is AFTER.

  • John Burger

    Oops I forgot to clarify….The flashes world is a place where not only the characters go—the entire world does. Whether its real or not I dont know–it may be a sort of matrix of the world and the real world is gone(as widmore and Jacob were warning all along).

    Also, this idea that Locke has to “let go” of his father and get the surgery and that will somehow bring the MIB into his body–I dont see it. To me that is just so shallow and shortsighted. Let go—means to let go of this fake world—they are just saying it to Locke to confuse you–everyone has to let go. It also implies their world is not real.

    To me, Christian is the MIB. His body is gone—he is the MIB. That my guess.

  • joe_bones

    people only come to sites like these for spoilers though. you should have welcomed spoilers.

    • Not true! I come here because there are no spoilers. This is one of the few sites I can go to and read freely. A lot of us do not want to know. We want to see it as it unfolds.

  • confused

    Oh my, I needed a good laugh.

  • Brandon

    Lol he really capped it off nicely by calling everyone on here lonely people. Anyone that cares this much about something so irrelevant to real life has to be the loneliest person on the face of the earth.

  • James

    Just wondering what’s going to happen now that it’s proven this guy wasn’t spoiling anything, but instead was his actual theories?

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