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LOST With Lyndsey…”316″

By LOST With Lyndsey,

  Filed under: Lost, Lost Recaps
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“We are praying now for the repose of his soul. Hoping you’re well and not in hell. Nice change of air. Out of the frying pan of life into the fire of purgatory.” ~ James Joyce “Ulysses”

Super-Duper Brief Recap

Season 5 Episode 6 “316”- Jack hits the Island with his usual panache, and a scrap of paper bearing the words “I wish.”
Hurley, a “metaphorical Charlie” (played by his guitar case) and Kate “I’ll never go back” Austen, are also present.
Ben lies about something while in church, but makes up for it shortly thereafter by quoting the Bible. Desmond is so effing hot when he’s angry and Jack and Kate have sex.
Then, Sun, Sayid, Hurley, Jack, Kate, Ben and Frank fricken’ Lapidus decide to hightail it to Guam, which happens to share a magnetic pocket with another far-away land…

First Things First

Let’s talk about this episode’s title, “316.”
The obvious correlation heads directly to the front door of the “LOST School of Religious References,” and leads us to the 3rd chapter, verse 16 in the Gospel of John.
This is where we get the Cliffs Notes version of Christianity, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Um, why do we torture children with an hour of religious school every Sunday?
We should just cut to the chase and have them memorize that lil’ gem.
Anyway, this seems to hold some messages of FAITH (which is totally John Locke’s OCD) as well as talk of “everlasting life…”
Sounds like a Resurrection Party to me! Perhaps, our sweet Bentham will rise again?
Dare to dream…
Still, I was forced to dig a bit deeper. LOST wouldn’t dare hit us with a super-obvious episode title at this stage in the game. That would be amoral.
Let’s see:
316- area code for Wichita, Kansas… I can do better than that.
316- The chapter in the Oregon State Legislative Laws referring to Personal Income Tax? I’m bored. We’re “Not in Portland.”
Oooooh! I know!
Pg. 316- otherwise known as the dedication page to Prince Caspian in the 2001 single-volume compilation of all seven “Narnia” novels?
“Narnia” as in “The Chronicles of…”
As in the C.S. Lewis (and Charlotte Staples Lewis namesake) novels about four siblings who assist in the unfolding of history, on a magical island. Strange.
The focus of the “Prince Caspian” volume?
Returning to Narnia, years later… and the fact that it’s…bizarre.
Just to preserve my integrity, I must acknowledge Entertainment Weekly’s Doc Jensen for the “Narnia” info. I simply cannot read everything!

Rejoice! Thou art in God’s house…

In the church where Jack’s Dad was mourned (maybe not, but it looks awfully similar, don’t cha think?),
Hawking acquaints the O2 (all we could get on “short notice”) plus Ben and Des to the off-Island Dharma station called the “Lamppost.”
Simple name, not so simple purpose.
Ben lies about his knowledge of the station. Lying is a sin.
Hawking gives us a quick lesson in electromagnetic Island movements. Riveting.
Desmond gets all fired up and rails against “I-used-to be-really-hot-in-1954” Hawking for being a “time thief.” As in, “you stole four years of my life, you evil wench and I’m still angry,” which feels justified.
Also, I know that I should be totally engrossed in the drama of this moment, but I am so distracted by the notion that Des is going to get knocked the eff out by that pendulum which keeps swinging perilously close to his head, that it’s slightly tough to focus.
Anyway, Ajira Airways
Flight 316 (oh, I see)…
36 hours. Go. Gather your friends. Hop aboard.
Recreate the first go round.
The catch?
Hawking just wants one night alone with Jack and then she can die a happy woman.

She does want to have a private convo though. She says a number of outlandish things, not the least of which is that Jack needs to gather some remnants of Christian and ship those to Guam in John’s coffin, for safe keeping.
Okay, but the real GASP! moment in this scene comes when Hawking gives Jack JOHN LOCKE’S SUICIDE NOTE.
No disrespect to the deceased, but John writes like a girl.

“Lessons in Trust” starring Ben “I Love to Lie” Linus

Jack thinks that Hawking is off her rocker, which he expresses to Ben in the church sanctuary.
Luckily, some conveniently placed art inspires Ben’s extra-obvious appeal to Jack’s Achilles’ heel.
Ben alludes that Jack bears some similarities to Thomas, the Apostle who has trust issues.
He reminds Jack that Thomas is not remembered for his heroism… just his doubt.
Jack sheds a tear.
Then he goes for drink. Cus’ that helps while de-toxing from Oxy.
Sadly, he doesn’t get far before he receives a phone call, which has a very similar vibe to the one he got from the mental institution regarding Hurley in S4’s “Something Nice Back Home.”
But this time Hurls isn’t the trouble… Grandpa Shephard is…
Grandpa Shephard loves magic shows starring white bunnies.
He should totally see what Ben can do with a white bunny.
Apparently, Grandpa totally belongs on LOST, because he prefers life on the run. He’s even packed a suitcase, which includes a pair of Christian’s shoes. Great news for Jack, as those will easily fit in the coffin with John.

Kate takes Quaaludes, and gets over that whole “Aaron” idea…

Kate apparently had an epiphany or some life-changing encounter with someone who is probably dead, after storming off the Pier in “This Place is Death,” because by the time she stumbles into Jack’s bed, my girl is in bad shape.
She tells Jack that she’ll go back to the Island, but makes Jack promise not to ask about Aaron ever again.
Jack never really liked the kid anyway, so he agrees.
Then they get it on, which seems random, but totally makes sense to those of us who believe that sex is a great substitute for dealing with the emotionally heavy shit in life.
Jack gets Kate morning-after coffee with milk and a couple sugars, and thankfully a ringing phone interrupts any threat of real intimacy between the two.
Kate leaves, which is super weird for her.

When Jack Meets Jill…

Ben’s all banged up and sends Jack to meet Jill at Simon’s Butcher Shop. Jill is the Butcher chick, harboring Locke in the freezer. Ben asks Jack to do him a favour and grab John’s body, before they hit the road to Guam.
Jill leaves Jack alone to defile the dead with insults, as he puts Christians shoes on the sacrificial corpse. Then he throws John’s unread suicide note in the coffin.
Curiosity may have gotten the cat, but Jack seems largely unaffected by it…

815 Redux

All the fanatically devoted mother’s seem to toss the kiddies aside in favour of a little excitement…

Sun’s suddenly down for cause, in spite of the fact that Ji Yeon was not invited back to the Island, and Kate shows up, right on schedule, sans adorable but verbally-challenged, Aaron.
Sayid appears to be playing the “Kate” role and boards the plane while handcuffed, and accompanied by an FBI chick (who kinda looks like Ana Lucia.)
Hurley buys a bunch of seats on the ill-fated 316 in order to save the lives of as many people as possible, and brings along Charlie’s “spirit,” for good measure. He still prefers his comic books in Spanish.
Ben’s all slung-out and no one bothers to ask what happened (though Sayid’s current state of captivity might be relevant…)
I really wish this group were a shade more curious about shit…you know, like who whooped Ben’s ass in the past 36 hours…

Alas, no one seems to care.

Perhaps, that’s because Ben got daily beat-downs when they were on the Island, before.

Maybe they think he is in training…

Thanks to the new strict security measures, Jack can’t escape this dang suicide note.
He tries to convince Kate that “this is destiny.”
She’s like, “Yeah, whatever…” but thankfully Frank Lapidus chooses that moment to hop on the PA, and gives a dash of credence to Jack’s “meant to be” mumbo jumbo.

Splendiferous Surprise!

I was so wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that Frank would be back! I loved his soused ass.
Jack pulls rank and asks to chat with Frank, who is apparently no longer an alcoholic and looks tanned and radiant.
Frank is clueless as to the fact that Jack’s presence is NOT a coincidence, until he spies Sayid and Hurls, and realizes that Guam isn’t actually going to happen today.
I am thrilled that Frank has to go back… he was, after all, “supposed to be flying 815 on that day,” as we learned last season.
Also, Frank is privy to “The Lie” … it would have been sheer sloppiness to leave him behind.
Yes, this is what was supposed to happen…
Way to pull together a re-enactment!

Ben Linus- Unflappable Flier!

Again, Ben is not scared of anything, even the impending PLANE CRASH and calmly catches up on some reading.
Still, I’ll bet he kinda misses that submarine that Locke blew up.
Jack and his BFF Ben have a heart to heart and Jack decides to read John’s note.
John gets the last word (for now), and re-states his wish that Jack had “believed him.”
Lightning storm.

Aaaaannnndddd… ISLAND!

Jungle Life: just like riding a bike…

Jack “saves” Hurley, rouses Kate, and starts coordinating the inaugural Jungle-Recon mission.
But before they can actually mobilize, time-traveling Jin pulls up in a very new-looking Dharma van. Oh, and he’s wearing a Dharma jumpsuit, and brandishing a large gun.
Luckily, he seems happy to see Jack and Co., so I do not foresee any “Who are you? I haven’t actually met y’all (yet),” type of altercations next week.


* Could the “Simon” in “Simon’s Butcher Shop,” be a reference to “Simon the Tanner?”
As the legend goes, Simon removed his eye at the suggestion of a Biblical verse which said: “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
Then, he moved a mountain using Faith.
Sorta like John Locke, huh?
He sacrificed a leg and moved an Island. That’s similar.

* While I like the idea that Sayid’s arrest has something to do with Ben’s less than stellar appearance. I’m wondering if perhaps Ben has attempted his promised revenge against Widmore-daughter and Desmond-lover, Penny? Oh dear…

* Why doesn’t Hawking seem, like, happy to hear that Daniel’s keeping up the family time-travel craft?
In fact, she seems pretty displeased to hear Daniel’s name at all…
Maybe she feels like he shouldn’t be dishing out “warnings” all willy-nilly and shit…
Why can’t boy-genius truly understand the concept of “you cannot change the past / future…”

* Who’s the dude in the airport who gives Jack his “condolences,” for the loss of his “friend.”?
His front row seat to all the on-board action, tells me that he just may become…important.

* This episode (“316”) was originally meant to air as the seventh episode of the season. Next week’s ep “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham,” was actually supposed to air first. Hmph. Not sure if I love that… it kind of seems like one or the other of these ep’s is going to be filler of sorts, if they were interchangeable. But maybe not.
Maybe the producers just got high and watched “Memento” again, and thought it would be fun to flip the episode order.
Here’s hoping…