I’m new here. I once had a home on another website, but after some domestic drama, I felt the need to indulge my inner escapist (tres’ Kate Austen of me, no?) and run away. The good Doc (Arzt, not Shephard) took pity on my orphaned soul and invited me home for dinner. And now I’m here. And I’m secretly hoping for an official adoption, cus “I think I’m gonna liiiikkeee it here!” Um, yeah… that was a little orphan Annie reference. Rad.
“Truth is a point, the subtlest and finest; harder than adamant; never to be broken, worn away or blunted. Its only bad quality is, that it is sure to hurt those who touch it; and likely to draw blood, perhaps the life blood of those who press earnestly upon it.” Walter Savage Landor
First Things First
Many apologies for the belated column.
My friend Helles Belles (not her given name, rather a pseudonym I’ve assigned her, much in the same way Chucky Widmore assigned ‘Jeremy Bentham,’ to our pal, Locke) asked me if I’d like to go to a block party. I was like, “Hells yes, Helles Belles!”
I thought attending a block party sounded super retro and I immediately started imagining myself sitting on a stoop somewhere in the Bronx, eating hotdogs and drinking beer with KRS-One and DJ Marley Marl, and
I was way stoked. I don’t actually eat hotdogs nor do I drink beer, but these images were situational-ly appropriate, so I went with it.
Boy, was I shocked when I end up at this concert with a bunch of emo-kids and nary a busted fire hydrant in sight…
OK, so I’m obviously kidding, but I did have an opportunity to see one of my uber-fave bands Bloc Party in concert last night and thus, I missed LOST. Quelle horror!
So yeah, I swear this will not happen again.
Unless The Shins come to town, then you’re on your own, just like Sayid, apparently…
Oooohhhh, seamless transition, no?
Super-Duper Brief Recap
Season 5 Episode 10 “He’s Our You”- Young-Ben is abused by his heinous excuse for a father, who it seems fully deserved to be ‘Purged.’ He also makes more sandwiches for Sayid.
Sadly, Sayid is on a hunger strike so the sandwiches remain uneaten.
Kate and Juliet posture and dance around their mutual obsession (read: Sawyer)
Sawyer asks Kate a question that she doesn’t answer. Some things just don’t change.
Jack eats ham and chills the eff out, which is quite refreshing.
Radzinsky plays on my last nerve.
Well, wasn’t that Machiavellian?!
FAKE DEATH! FAKE DEATH!
I’m so calling a fake out. The cunning producers of LOST are going to have to wake up pretty early in the morning to make me believe that Young-Ben is really dead. I’d actually heard rumblings that there would be two deaths prior to the end of S5, but the details on death #2 were sketchy, so I couldn’t really pontificate on it before.
BUT the death I’ve previously spoken about was not; I repeat not, this death. Trust me.
Sayid proves that he IS, in fact, the ‘natural born killer’ that he’s always claimed (in spite of his job description) NOT to be.
We see present day Sayid in the making, when we observe Young-Sayid kill farm animals, during a fun flashback involving some unfortunate chickens, Sayid’s wussy brother, and his cruel father.
Later, we witness Sayid completing the final assassination of Widmore’s thugs and Big-Ben (who is totally channeling Dark Man in this scene) ‘freeing’ Sayid, by telling him to go live his life; that his friends are safe now.
This depresses Sayid beyond belief, and causes all sorts of ugly abandonment issues to crop-up.
Young-Ben: Wise Beyond His Years?
Lil-Ben done trained good and hard for his future as Big-Ben a.k.a.-Leader of the Others/Hostiles.
Even as an adolescent he was voracious reader who happened to have a keen curiosity about trippy drugs like mushrooms and peyote. OK, perhaps the drug part was not the inference we were intended to draw from Ben’s literary interest in Carlos Castaneda’s “A Separate Reality,” but it’s a logical conclusion nonetheless.
Anyway, Young-Ben is way excited about ideas like learning to ‘See’ or ‘perceive energy directly as it flows through the universe’, which is totally key to Island-living, and wants to share his knowledge with his new friend, Sayid.
Ben-cito brings his prisoner a copy of the book, another sandwich (because Hostiles get hungry too) and verbally pledges to help Sayid, if he is patient.
Don’t Fret, Juliet!
Juliet stares longingly out the window and burns some perfectly good bacon, whilst lost in her reflections. Sawyer (who somehow gets beautiful-er and beautiful-er each episode) rescues the smoldering pig and then engages in some heavily subtexted dialogue with Jules about impact of the 815-ers return.
The writers take this opportunity to rip a page from Woody Allen’s book of irony, and create parallels by recycling phrases used by other characters earlier in a story line.
For instance, Juliet asks Sawyer if their simple life of ‘playing house’ is over now that Team Jack is back.
This is an obvious counterpart to the scene in S4’s “Eggtown” where Kate disparagingly asks Sawyer how long they can go on ‘playing house.’
Oh, and I love the subtle bacon/egg connection between these two scenes…well played, writer guys.
You’re Invited to the Awkward-est Breakfast Ever!
So, it seems that ex’s Jack and Kate are shacking up in New Dharma-ville, but only in that totally platonic ‘yeah-I-tricked-you-into-impregnating-me-after-we-broke-off-our-engagement-and-you-got-all-strung-out-on-pills’ sorta way.
So, obviously, it’s super weird when an ever-tactful Hurls informs Kate that Jules and Sawyer “…live together, not as roommates. Like you guys were”.
Kate, who cannot fathom that Sawyer could possibly have gotten over her during the past three years, turns to Jack for verification. Between bites of his delicious ham, he corroborates the truth Hurls just spit. Spat. Whatever.
And on Jack, I am loving how amazingly comfortable he seems in his position of non-position and the fun hint of role reversal, when Hurley and Kate decide to create an official ‘P.O.A.’ (plan of action) when Jack seems more interested in those tasty dipping sauces.
“I Guess I’m on My Own”
Sayid tells Sawyer exactly where he can shove his invitation to the Dharma party, leaving Sawyer with no option but to let crazy-torturer-dude, Oldham have a go at him.
They proceed to strap Sayid to a tree, which makes him look more than a shade Jesus-y, and give him some truth serum. Sawyer looks on nervously as Sayid tells the whole tale, just as it happened.
Luckily, it all seems so asinine that no one believes him.
Huge sigh of relief.
Sayid then laughs manically in the face of death, which somehow lightens the mood, even though it’s a tad disturbing.
One thing leads to another and all of a sudden, Amy, that Ethan-breeding D.I. trollop, is siding with “Radzinsky’s ‘anything-but-rad’ solution”, to put Sayid to death.
A vote is taken and (after Sawyer folds like a house of cards) they unanimously decide to execute.
Radzinsky’s Super Sucky Solution
Sometimes, holding the ending consonant of a word a micro-second longer than necessary is a total tell regarding it’s importance. At least on LOST, anyway.
Thus, when Horace ever so slightly over-enunciated the phrase “Radzinsky’s solution,” a little voice inside me screamed ‘Google that shit!’ (yes, my little voice swears when it gets excited…)
It seems that there is a Russian playwright and historian named Edvard Radzinsky who wrote about fun topics like personal responsibility, the struggle between ideas and power, and the roles of victim and executioner.
Unfortunately, the Radzinsky on LOST doesn’t seem nearly as profound as this Russian guy.
He just seems mind-numbingly aggravating.
While I’m no expert on the topics of love and romance, I thought I might offer you some friendly advice…you may want to consider issuing a cease and desist order on your tendency to believe that random hot bitches in bars and coffee shops are actually ‘random.’
They are all bounty hunters and assassin’s, and I’m not just being metaphorical, my friend.
Just a thought…
Wordplay Is the Best Way!
I love meeting new people.
Especially in bars, where it’s completely appropriate and necessary even, to play coquettish games and act shocked when someone insinuates that you might be a hooker or murderer.
Apparently, Ilana also enjoys such games.
Whereas some people order their meat ‘rare,’ Ilana specifies that she’d like her rib eye ‘bloody.’ Yum.
The convo continues at a fun pace and Sayid asks Ilana if she is a ‘professional,’ which I automatically correlated to “The Professional”, that Natalie Portman movie from like ’94 (which was before she had her nose done, so check it out, if only for that…), but Ilana believes he is calling her a prostitute, which she denies.
She claims she’s simply trying to save Sayid’s sad soul.
Good luck, sister.
Sayid says he’s sad because he’s quit the only thing he was ever good at and is trying to change.
Good luck, brother.
They proceed to get drunk, and passionately make their way to a hotel room, which is where Ilana reveals that though she’s not a prostitute, she is a bounty hunter who needs to return Sayid to Guam to explain his cold-blooded killing of that dude on the golf-course last year (which was way harsh, even though I do love me some Sayid)
At least that Elsa chick gave Sayid a lil’ lovin’ before she tried to kill him. That, my friends, is class.
Destiny Has its Day
It wouldn’t be an ep. of LOST if there weren’t some ‘fate vs. free will’ acknowledgment.
Thumbs up on the extra-creative method of justifying Sayid’s presence on 316 in spite of his initial protestations.
“Three years and no burning busses, y’all are back for ONE day…”
Sawyer stomps over to la casa de Jack and Kate and asks why they came back to Island. Kate says she can’t speak for anyone else but that she knows why she came back. She appears to be opening her mouth to allow, I don’t know, some form of COMMUNICATION to fall out of it, when in typical LOST fashion, a distraction in the form of a flaming Dharma van comes wheeling into New Otherton. Swell.
Turns out that Young-Ben hath set this vehicle alight, in a bid to cause chaos so that he might bust Sayid out of his cell. He hopes that they might run off and become Happy Hostiles together.
Good thoughts. Bad timing.
It seems that Sayid is a mite frustrated with Big-Ben and decides to nip this shit in the bud and take out Young-Ben, execution-style.
This was sad. Or it would be sad, were it like, real, but as I said, I believe that this is a faux-death and that Young-Ben and Big-Ben, will prevail.
Or there really could be two timelines, which has been a thought-lette (or an un-developed thought) for some time now. Time will tell.
Actually while it is generally true that time will tell, on LOST time will probably just opt out altogether, and take the submarine home, leaving us with nothing but questions. Yeah, that seems more likely.
Just Asking / Saying…
* Is the restaurant that Sayid and Ilana meet in, the same place as Jack went for a drink when he got the call about his grandfather running away from the nursing home in “316”?
* Sayid drinks McCutcheon Scotch, which happens to be Charles Widmore’s drink of choice
* Young-Ben, like Big-Ben never blinks. Weird.
* When Sayid frets about getting on Flt. 316, Ilana offers to buy him a ‘rabbit’s foot.’ at the gift shop. Something tells me, this was not uber-comforting to Sayid…
Lyndsey has OCD. Lucky for you, in between color-coding her closet and using anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, she channels her mania into over-analysis of “Lost”. She believes the idea that “TV rots your brain,” is bullshit. She is sure her brain is not, in fact, rotten.