“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” Chuck Palahniuk
Super-Duper Brief Recap
Season 5 Episode 13 “Some Like It Hoth”- Miles and Hurley go road trippin.’
Kate looks for love in all the wrong places and Jack revels in the satisfaction of a well-cleaned blackboard. Miles auditions for Naomi by speaking with a dead delivery guy named Felix, and we finally understand where in tar nation he came up with the seemingly asinine bribery figure of $3.2 million in the S4 ep. “Eggtown.” We also learn that Lapidus is not the only Widmore-cohort who is shabby with riddles. Faraday finally returns and he and Miles share a ‘moment.’
Carry On My Wayward ‘Sun’…
The woman who I was sure was “old Sun” throughout the entirety of my first viewing of “Because You Left” (there was a lot of Dharma wine flowing at our premiere party,) actually turned out to be Mrs. Pierre Chang and Miles mama. She looks at trashy Encino apartments with Mini-Miles, who hears death everywhere. He follows their desperate cries directly to the white rabbit shaped hide-a-key situation, and enters apartment number four. He sees a half eaten sandwich and the guy who’d been eating it, sprawled on the floor. It’s traumatizing.
“I keep nothing from you, you keep nothing from me… and round and round we go.” Meet The Parents
Back on the Island, Miles affirms his allegiance to Team Juliet and lets Sawyer/La Fleur know that he ain’t diggin’ this teaming up with Kate nonsense. Sawyer/ La Fleur is in a hurry and asks Miles to erase the incriminating tape, which apparently, he does not. This will cause problems.
Enter Horace, who begrudgingly inducts Miles into the ‘Circle of Trust.’
The first rule in the Circle of Trust is that you do not ask questions about the Circle of Trust.
Sadly, Miles is no Jin, and is NOT the greatest with following instructions.
The moment the dead guy is presented, Miles breaks the first (and only) Circle of Trust rule and asks all sorts of questions about the deceased and his unfortunate circumstance. This seems like a total waste of a rule infraction, considering how chatty dead people seem to get around Miles anyway…
“To cry is to know that you’re alive but my river of tears has run dry…” H.I.M. (His Infernal Majesty)
Miles has spiky hair and a goatee. He probably likes Type O Negative, Cradle of Filth and other 90’s hoth Goth rock bands.
Mrs. Chang has cancer. It’s sad. I’ll just bet we have Jughead to thank for that shit.
Miles finds out his dad’s a douche (his words) and also that he’s dead.
Miles is super-intrigued by this and wants to chat with the body, which Mama Chang claims he will never find.
Clearly, she does not share her son’s fondness for “Back to the Future,” as Lady Chang seems to shun the notion that her son might one day meet his father, circa 1977 on this supposedly unfind-able Island, entirely.
“To infinity, and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear
Miles and Hurls team up for a tandem mission to the Orchid. Hurly wants to feed the people and prevent global warming. Miles just wants to deliver a package named ‘Alvarez.’
So far, he thinks the Circle of Trust sucks.
Hurls writes poetry about a bounty hunter and accuses Miles of stinking up the van.
Miles denies the charge, which leads to Hurley having an anxiety attack re: the potentially rancid garlic mayo he’s concocted. Hurley may be ‘crazy,’ but being from the future, he totally gets how gnarly salmonella poisoning can be, and does the right thing by insisting on a quick inspection.
Rotting Mayo? Bad. Dead Body? Really Bad. Telling Uncle Rico his kid is gone? Super Bad
Though obviously relieved that his mayo is solid, Hurls is none too thrilled to learn that A) there is a dead body on this road trip, and B) that this interloper is actually to blame for the olfactory nightmare wafting through the van.
The discovery prompts Miles to initiate Hurley into the ‘Circle’ on the fly.
Unlike Miles, Hurley is stoked re: his admission into the club.
Alvarez (a.k.a ~ the dead guy in the van) had some unfortunate dental work, which apparently did not mix well with the electro-magnetic properties of the bomb buried within the radius of the hole he was digging. His dental work magnetized itself right through his skull, which is how he became dead.
Therein lies the risk surrounding the burial of a massive hydrogen bomb… one never knows when some newbie’s from the future are going to want to build a ‘Save-the-World-By-Pressing-a-Button’ station and become dead, due to their old school metal fillings.
So, props to Jules and Kate for the teaming up to save Young-Ben and all, but why hadn’t they thought of cover story? Seriously, this lame-o “Sorry Roge, I think your boy scuttled off into the jungle, but I’m sure he’ll be okay” nonsense feels weak.
Roger thinks so too, gets dramatic and storms off to get smashed on some Pabst Blue Ribbon Dharma Beer.
“Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?” Jimmy Buffett
Roger gets his mid-afternoon drink on. He is the kind of guy who says things like, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!” as he cracks a beer at lunch. Just saying.
Never one to miss an opportunity to make Jack, Sawyer, La Fleur jealous console a friend, Kate stops by the swing set to give Roger a pep talk.
He acts like a dick to her.
Though she was only mildly interested in Roger before, suddenly Kate can’t stop thinking about him.
She goes home to play Patsy Cline and swoon.
“Flying away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be?” The Greatest American Hero theme
Miles and Hurls bond while comparing super powers and rocking out to the spirited tunes of Captain & Tennille, but the fun meets an untimely demise when Miles is reunited with Papa Chang, and it feels totally un-good.
Pierre is not very ‘Namaste’ when the duo arrives at the Orchid, but Hurley remains optimistic re: the potential for a ‘Chang-Straume-relationship-do-over.’
On the way to the future home of the Swan station, he prods Chang for information which might interest Miles. His sleuth-y nature pays off and we learn that Miles is named after Jazz great, Miles Davis who is a fave of Mrs. Chang’s, though the Dr. prefers ‘Country’.
We also learn that Miles is presently three months old, which proves that you can, in fact, co-exist with your past/ future self on the Island. Hmph.
“When you’re feeling low, when you’re hurt and don’t know where to go…” The Beu Sisters
Always willing to lend a hand to his fellow workman, Jack covers classroom cleaning duty for Roger on account of his missing kid. However it seems that Roger would prefer to continue to work while throwing temper tantrums and kicking buckets around, than accept Jack’s gracious gesture.
He tells Jack to leave, but before he can, Roger talks a bunch of smack about Kate and how he thinks she is ‘in on’ the disappearance of Young-Ben.
Jack talks Roger down from the ledge before running off to alert Juliet and Sawyer of the ‘situation.’
“Off With Her Head!” The Queen of Hearts
Fun with role reversal!
Jack shoots the shit with Jules, as they wait for Sawyer.
Upon his arrival, Jack spills the beans re: the potential Roger/ Kate debacle.
Jack remains calm and speaks of Kate’s good intentions and her properly placed heart.
Sawyer gets flustered and inquires as to the whereabouts of her head.
Jack digs his ‘reduced responsibility’ role more than ever.
Sawyer isn’t so lucky. Being a leader is rough and after an entire day of tromping through the jungle, Sawyer still has to deal with that ass-clown Phil and his knowledge of the tape that Miles neglected to erase. Sawyer does just what Churchill would’ve, and knocks Phil out, before enrolling his beloved Juliet in some old school ‘Cowboy Justice’ type of shenanigans. Awesome.
“There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” Wayne W. Dyer
Bram kidnaps Miles and attempts to lure him to work for the ‘good guys’ with promises of increased internal knowledge and understanding of thyself.
Miles prefers his temptation in the form of money or at least the delicious taco that Bram interrupted…
Bram counters with promises of spiritual solutions to Miles troubles.
Miles still prefers monetary fulfillment for his empty soul.
Bram behaves like bratty child, and tosses Miles back out on the street, which felt super un-virtuous.
“Maybe he’ll let you hold baby you or change your own diaper” Hurley
Turns out Hurley was not actually writing poetry on the Orchid road trip, rather re-writing “The Empire Strikes Back” (with a few tweaks, of course.)
Miles thinks this is stupid, but I think it’s brilliant.
Hurls gets metaphorical about Ewoks and the Death Star and then Miles peers in the Chang’s window and observes his father reading about polar bears to mini-him. He cries.
Pierre then enlists Big-Miles to help him greet the incoming sub o’ scientists, which includes Daniel Faraday.
Membership in the Circle of Trust suddenly sucks less for Miles.
Nothing means everything, but neither does anything mean nothing. I just made that up and actually have no idea what it means, but it seems appropriate for the musical reference we are about to look at.
As Hurley and Miles ride toward the Orchid, we hear notes of Albert Hammond’s 1972 hit “It Never Rains in Southern California.”
Albert Hammond himself may be a new ‘featured artist’ in LOST’s music game, but he’s worked with/ wrote songs for numerous LOST musical ‘go-to’s’, such as Cass Elliot, Perry Como, and Chang-fave, Willie Nelson.
He also had a hit with a track called “I Don’t Wanna Die in an Air Disaster.” Just mentioning.
Lyndsey has OCD. Lucky for you, in between color-coding her closet and using anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, she channels her mania into over-analysis of “Lost”. She believes the idea that “TV rots your brain,” is bullshit. She is sure her brain is not, in fact, rotten.